Happy Best Friends Day!

Is it bad that I don't have one best friend? Apparently today is national (unofficial) Best Friends Day. Who knew? I learn something on social media every day! But I can't say I have just one best friend, because each of my close friends is "the best" for me in their own, unique way. 

There's the friend who calls out my bulls**t.

If I'm feeling confused or badly used, she's the one I call because she's really good at identifying the source of the trouble. When she perceives something I'm missing, she shows me another view. She values the same kind of feedback from me. We also play and enjoy socializing, but those heavy discussions glue us together.

There's the friend who has known me forever.

She knows my family, hometown, childhood, and all three of the husbands I've had. We've been there for nearly all the important events in each other's lives and always will. We spend little time together now, but she literally understands where I'm coming from. The bond we share is deep and unbreakable.

There's the friend who likes to do things. 

If either of us wants to see a show, listen to live music, check out a new shopping center, go to the gym--pretty much anything fun--we ask each other to go. We have a lot in common and talk freely about everything. She helps me enjoy being in the moment because that's what we focus on...doing something active and fun, talking about what's happening now.

There's the friend who makes work awesome.

We met working knee-to-knee in an office, and I learned how great teamwork can be. To be productive and provide great value, learning from and trusting one another, with no stupid drama, whilst supporting each other as human beings and becoming true friends, is work heaven. We've chosen to work together on many projects. We also show up for each other's happy and hard times outside of work--because we are friends.

There's the friend who kept me in her life after the job/club/neighborhood ended.

It's easy to be friends when you see each other regularly; even easier to let that friendship expire after one of you leaves. I adore the friends who didn't let that happen. Some time passes now between visits, and that's okay. It takes effort to stay friends when you lose proximity. You have to find new times and places to get together, invite each other. For these few very special friends, it's so worth it!

There's my dog. 

He has to be included because he's my constant companion and I really enjoy his company. We can be together all week and not tire of each other. And he's there for me; when I'm sad, sick, or tired, he stays close. When I'm up, he's ready for action. He's my errand buddy, play mate, and stress reliever. He has other friends...our cat, my husband...but when I call he comes running.

I count my husband, sister, daughter, son, cousin, and adult nieces among this select group of best friends. They're closest to my heart. Thank God they've been willing to let our relationships grow beyond the early roles we played, and become friends who like each other and want to be together.

There are more: Precious in-laws and former in-laws who became not just relatives, but friends. Friends of family members (especially my parents' friends who are even more dear to me since my parents have passed on). Friends from school days--waaaay back--whom I rarely see, yet when we get together the chemistry is exactly the same and we pick up right where we left off.

Together, these friends meet every need and make me feel loved in ways no one person could. I appreciate them so much that writing about it has made me choke up with emotion. And you know what? There's room in my life for more.

Okay, maybe I don't have a best friend. But I have the best friends I could ever want.

Old strategies, New techniques

The United Church of Christ Facebook page linked to a blog post by Steven Mattox, http://sojo.net/blogs/2014/07/10/have-churches-become-too-shallow, contending that modern American churches are "diluting church" by subsituting marketing gimmicks for "divine communion". The author takes aim at a variety of what he calls "distractions," from videos to leather couches, arguing that these things make parishioners too comfortable and pull focus from the message of Jesus.

The editorial made me think about several things relative to the worship experience. My first thought was that religious leaders have always used showmanship to, as I like to describe it, "draw and awe" the congregants. Off the top of my head I can think of many techniques for doing so.

Gory animal or human sacrifices, using natural light in moonlight/sunrise/sunset rituals, chants and songs, group recitations, fire, water, special foods and drinks, grand architecture, art works, instrumental music, burning incense and other things, adding or removing clothing, rising, kneeling, prostrating, handshaking, reading aloud, dancing, call and response speaking and singing, bathing, cutting skin, walking, climbing and descending stairs or a steep incline, decorating with colored gems or glass, using precious metals and stones. These multisensory experiences serve to evoke particular emotions that the leader wants participants to feel while they are being led through religious events and teachings.

I have observed that most churches develop a sense of identity and come to a point where they want to be known for one thing or another. You could call it branding, as the author does, but I think it happens naturally in most churches. A church's claim to fame usually results from some sort of charismatic leadership.

My church, for example, is known for excellent music. That's a direct result of one very talented, long-term music minister, backed by solid support of the senior minister who was also there a long time. Although those two people are now gone, the congregants still want and demand excellent music. They selected the new senior minister and music minister with that in mind, and are willing to pay for the staff and resources such a program requires.

Our worship music is extravagant, it draws new people, and its explicit purpose is to inspire awe while worshiping God. Other than the lyrics, the music program doesn't have anything to do with serving the poor, feeding the hungry, or loving the unlovable. Its role in my church might be tangential to Jesus's message, yet is central to the act of worship, especially in our traditional services. Some people may feel put off by that and choose to attend a simpler service. Many, however, feel inspired and empowered by the music, and credit it for helping them feel closer to Christ.

In thinking about how a church decides to sell its strengths or prioritize a particular value for its congregants--whether that's music, a comfortable atmosphere, or whatever---I disagree somewhat with the other author. He makes a good point, that sharing Jesus's message should be the main purpose for doing church. But I think he judges newer techniques to be "shallow" compared to older ones, when the techniques are simply ways of implementing the same old strategies churches always had. What's inherently worse about projecting text on a screen compared to reading it from a hymnal? What's bad about coffee shops and couches, compared to picnics on the lawn for old-fashioned church socials? I would argue nothing is wrong with these newer techniques. They are probably more appropriate for churches that have ten times the number of members (or more) of typical churches a few decades ago.

I agree with his view that a church which operates just to be popular and profitable is a sham. This is something people have always had to watch out for, and Jesus was certainly critical of those hypocrisies in his own community. Overturning the money-changers' tables was one of his crystal-clear messages on that subject. I just don't think the modern "draw and awe" techniques are in themselves evidence of that pitfall.

Wrecked

Getting hit from the rear by another car is a singularly dis-empowering experience, at least for me. It's happened four times now so I've had plenty of opportunity to reflect on the experience. For over fifteen years I've been taking a prescription drug for chronic pain due to whiplash. You don't forget about it when you have to take a pill every day to cope with the effects of your wrecks.

When something didn't turn out perfect, Mom always wanted me to look for the lesson. If I got a B on a report card she'd ask, "What could you have done to make it an A?" If a friend hurt my feelings she'd prompt me to analyze my behavior to figure out what brought on the insult. She didn't mean any harm, indeed she meant to help, but I developed an inflated sense of responsibility that easily devolves into  self-blame for stuff that is not in my control. It took some firm talk from my minister and therapist to convince me that it's not always about me, and to quit feeling guilty for things other people do.

So after being rear-ended at a stop light, I automatically tried to understand what I did to bring it on. Then a few years later it happened again. State Farm dropped my policy even though they had never paid a dime, reinforcing my self-blame tendencies. The customer service rep who took my bewildered call said I didn't do anything wrong, just "happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time one too many times." To this day I don't know what to do with that statement. All of my wrecks happened in my hometown in the afternoon or early evening. What's the right place and time to drive?

Later on I was sandwiched in a 5-car pileup; I don't count that as a rear-ender. Several years later I took another hit at a red light. And it happened again a couple weeks ago as I waited, with brake lights and turn signal on, to make a left turn. It's been ten years but when I saw that SUV's grill rapidly growing bigger in my rearview mirror, the dread was all too familiar. With oncoming traffic on the left and more traffic zipping by on the right, there was nowhere to go and nothing to do but wait for impact, hoping I don't get shoved into another vehicle. The other driver said to me, "I never saw you until I hit you."

I've thought about this a lot. What's the lesson? Hell if I know!

Good behavior or Good news?

I'm pondering the ideas in a Washington Post blog post about contemporary Christian sermons and worship services. The ideas are summed up in the author's claim "The  heart of the Christian faith is Good News not good behavior."

How much of faithful living is about trying to live up to the ideals of one's religion, and how much of it is about accepting the grace that lets us off the hook because noone actually can? I feel tension every day about that.

For me, those feelings are resolved when I imagine God being much less interested in my mistakes than I am. In other words, the universe is swirling around doing its thing in a context so much larger than I could ever imagine, I need to remember that I have a real but very tiny role in it. In other, other words, it's not all about me.

What a Wedding Creates

Our daughter married a wonderful man a few years ago. Their anniversary is at this time of year, and I've been thinking about the wedding and what it meant to our family.

By committing themselves to a future together legally, spiritually, and emotionally, they created a brand-new web of relationships that didn't exist before. I am grateful that the host of people who accompanied each of them into their relationship-- relatives, friends, co-workers, mentors--are healthy influences and people of goodwill.

They established a positive climate for everyone in this new web, by making their wedding ceremony and reception activities as much about the supporters gathered there as it was about the couple. Our daughter's wedding was a wonderful event; I look back on it with pride and awe. More important, it created a new community with the potential to bless hundreds of lives in new and powerful ways.

Ministering to Animals and Pet Owners

Do animals need and deserve attention from the church? If so, how would one go about providing such a ministry? My home church has been exploring this for several years. We have an Animal Ministry and today I saw pets in the pews with their owners, enjoying our regular 11:59 worship service. What an unconventional and mind-expanding sight! A special blessing for animals was held outdoors in the courtyard after the service. Last week, our church held a pet memorial service to comfort people who mourn and miss a deceased pet. I really appreciate my pastors' inclusive concept of ministry. They constantly expand my view of compassion and service.

Happy National Dog Day!

I heard on the morning news that it's National Dog Day. If I'd known about this our family would have been celebrating it for years!

Canine Veterans, Not Equipment

I'm so happy about this! This year's Defense Dept Appropriation bill, HR 4310, signed by President Obama, includes provisions for "Retirement, adoption, care, and recognition of military working dogs"! Sec. 361 spells it out, starting with reclassification: "The Secretary of Defense shall classify military working dogs as canine members of the armed forces. Such dogs shall not be classified as equipment."

I wrote a post about this on May 24, 2011. At that time, Maj. Gen. Mary Kay Hertog, who oversaw the adoption program begun in 2000, was advocating for reclassification. She received mixed reviews in her next assignment heading up the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office, but she certainly made a positive change for the dogs and their handlers.

These dogs will finally get the respect and care they deserve. Instead of being left behind or killed in foreign countries when military units leave, the dogs will be transferred at the defense department's expense to either an adoption center or the 341st Training Squadron. They are also entitled to veterinary care for life. Hoo-ah!

Conservative Argument for the Right to Marry

I like this lawmaker's logic.

Congresswoman Illeana Ros-Lehtinen, who signed on as the first Republican co-sponsor for the Respect for Marriage Act, the law that would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act: "As Republicans we believe in equality of opportunity rather than outcome. Most importantly, we believe that the individual and the family are the central engines in our society. The right for individuals to lead their lives without government intrusion is a bedrock conservative principle and it is much more than just about sexual orientation. It is about the fundamental rights we all share as Americans. It is about equality for all with no exceptions."

Food Diary Blues

I didn't keep a food diary or weigh in during week 3 and 4, and I gained back the pounds lost in the first couple of weeks. Correlation doesn't prove causation, but I'm thinking there is probably a connection.

So I'm using the food/exercise diary again. I hate it for a number of reasons:

• Filling it out is tedious.
• Every time I eat something different I have look up the calories.
• If I don't exercise the empty space on the calendar stares blankly, rebuking me for my laziness.
• I'm already over target by nearly 700 calories in the first 2 days this week, which means I have to cut back a lot. Knowing this means I can't pretend I'm doing okay, which kind of sucks.

This weight loss project is giving me the blues!

Shoppercizing



Shoppercizing at the mall

 It's day 2 of week 3 of my weight loss effort. So far, so good. My calorie count was just under the target for last week. I weigh myself every other day or so; last week I was consistently 2 pounds lighter. Today, the scale says I've lost 3 pounds.

Tracking all food and drinks is tedious, so I stopped recording things that don't have measurable calories like black coffee, diet pop, and lettuce on sandwiches.

Still need to exercise more. But I'm consistently doing 15 minutes of something which is improvement. Last night I shopped at Gateway Mall for 5 hours. Never worked up a sweat or had to breathe hard, but I was really worn out at the end--does that count as exercise? Why not? Let's call it Shoppercizing!

Happy Birthday To Me

I celebrated my birthday by making cupcakes and giving them to our Frank & Simon's customers. Call me an attention whore if you like; it was fun.

Birthday Cupcakes!

Next day, the family went downtown for a swing dance lesson followed by some practice at the Del Ray Ballroom. Lots of slapstick comedy there!

Swing dancing with my son. In background, hubby is dancing with my mother.

Then we went to Dish for dinner, which was fabulous. We had the cheese platter for an appetizer, which everyone loved. My entree was grilled pork tenderloin with apples, sauteed spinach and butternut squash, and mashed potatoes. Drank water and skipped dessert, but I estimate that was 742, which is a lot. But it couldn't have tasted better, and at least we got some exercise!

French Fries & Donuts

It's day 2, week 2. Yesterday I went 400 calories over the target. Damn those fast food french fries! Looked it up on Runza's nutrition web page to log my food from last night, and discoved a medium order of fries has 410 calories. Okay, lesson learned. If I'm really craving their fries, a small order at 280 calories is the way to go.

Gordon may be trying to sabotage my diet. He delivered an order to Randy's Donuts this morning and brought back my favorite kind, a cake donut with chocolate icing. According to my Food Counts book, that's 130 calories. Yes I ate it--it's my favorite!

Family Ties

Thanksgiving weekend this year was just the way I like it...lots of time with extended family that we don't see often. I feel especially grateful to the relatives who travelled and those who hosted gatherings, giving us the opportunity to strengthen family ties.

Weight Loss Day 4 - Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful family dinner on Thanksgiving Day, and I estimate I consumed about 845 calories at that meal. So far this week, the calorie counts are okay. Exercise, not so much. I need to get moving!

Weight Loss Day 2

Using the Microsoft Food Diary template, I started to track my food consumption and exercise. Yesterday my calories totalled 1577, and I got 15 minutes of exercise walking the dog. According to the weight loss calculator at caloriecount.about.com, in order to lose 30 pounds by November 29, 2012 I should consume 1533 calories per day. So I wasn't too far off yesterday. If I had skipped the sprinkle of cheese on either my breakfast biscuit or lunch salad, I'd have hit the target.

I want to lose weight



Chubby Chris

In my younger days I never dreamed I could get this heavy. Guess that's what happens when you over-eat a lot and stop exercising! I'm almost 49 years old and don't want to lug around all these unneeded pounds in my 50's. Though I'm reluctant to change because eating and laying around on the couch are pleasurable, it's time to lighten the load.

My goal is to weigh 30 pounds less on my 50th birthday than I do now. I think that would be a comfortable weight that I could carry without putting undue stress on my aging body. Of course, I will enjoy looking more youthful and fitting easily into stylish clothes too.

Family and friends have lost weight successfully and healthfully with programs like Weight Watchers, TOPS, and Jenny Craig. If I need to I'll explore those options. But I want to do it using available resources, i.e. food from our restaurant and grocery stores, the free gym at my husband's workplace, and so on. So I'll try that first and see how it goes.

My doctor explained that every pound is 3,000 calories, so to lose a pound I have to reduce calorie intake a lot, and exercise much more. She also said when I eat less fat I'll feel hungry again sooner. So I need to eat more often, while resisting the temptation to fill up with heavy foods. To burn calories fast, she recommends running.

Starting today, I am officially on a self-regulated weight loss program. Here goes!

It must be Autumn because everybody's wearing red.

In Nebraska, this season has a color and that's Husker Red. Game Day is celebrated by the wearing of red, or sometimes "blackshirts" black. It's a statewide phenomenon, fans everywhere wear their team gear in droves. Parking lots and driveways are dotted with tents decorated in red and white. Smoke rising from thousands of grills perfumes the air with the smell of searing meat. Shortly before kick-off, the streets, restaurants and stores empty out. Just about everyone has gone to sports bars and TV rooms to watch the game. Here at Frank & Simon's, we provide a tailgate spot in the parking lot. We grill our Chicago hot dogs and bratwursts for hungry customers and entertain them with games of cornhole, the Husker pre-game show blaring from my 1978 boombox, and door prizes. Go Big Red!

The Most Important Meal?

Frank & Simon's omelette

Because I wait until the last minute to get ready to leave the house, my go-to breakfast has always been a bowl of cold cereal. Better than nothing, but it doesn't give a body much to work with. Eating breakfast has become easier since we started serving it at Frank & Simon's. Fresh eggs, vegetables and fruits are so much better than sugary refined flour!

Retirement Reality Check

So many political arguments are being made about funding social security and medicare, it made me wonder. Is it possible for a middle income worker to save enough money to support him or herself in retirement for, say, 20 years? I decided to try to answer my own question.

The current individual median income for workers 25 and over is about $33,000. That means half of American workers earn more and half earn less. Also, that's exactly what my latest full-time annual salary was with an associate's degree and many years of working up from entry-level clerk to senior office associate. So it seems like a good number to use for representing a middle income.

I used the calculator at CalcXML to determine how much a 25 year old would have to save in order to achieve the equivalent of $33,000 annual income from age 70 through 89 (assuming 3% inflation per year). I assumed the retirement savings plan would earn 6% per year, which is roughly the historical average return for stock funds. Here's the result:

"To provide the inflation-adjusted retirement income you desire, you need to save $7,282 or $607 a month. The total amount needed for retirement...is $2,423,159."

Does anyone expect a young middle-class worker to sock away over $600 per month for retirement? I think that's highly unlikely, which raises more questions, especially this one: Are there other ways to fund one's own retirement?